Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fun With Neurotic Red Sox Fans

As previously reported right here in this blog, John Henry, owner of the Red Sox, actually did buy half the NASCAR Roush Racing team this winter, and now the partnership is coming to fruition. The target? None other than 2005 Nextel Cup 2nd place finisher Carl Edwards. Carl got a full makeover last week, his car and helmet repainted in Red Sox team colors, complete with a Red Sox logo on the hood and doors and the 9's redone in the font that Ted Williams wore on his jersey. Carl even got to drive his car into Fenway Park and threw out the ceremonial first pitch for Saturday's game vs. the Rangers.

As you might have heard, the Red Sox are doing pretty well this year. Best record in the majors, even. Carl's also having a pretty good year after missing the Chase last year - 7th place, pretty solidly in the running this year, and completely dominating the Busch Series by an astounding 784 points. It's far too tempting to draw comparisons between the two, as if Carl was an avatar for the Red Sox's season. Same ownership, right? Similar situations. As you can guess, this only served to further prove that Red Sox fans' psyches are about as formidable as Glass Joe.

Carl finished 2nd in Saturday's Busch race in Loudon, NH. Not so bad, right? Except for the fact that his car failed post-race inspections, and was fined and docked 25 points. Things seemed bright for Edwards in the Sunday Nextel race as well, racing towards the front of the pack and leading a few laps. Towards the home stretch of the race, Edwards pitted. As his tires were being changed, his car slipped and fell off the jack, taking up valuable time - 47 seconds worth, over twice as long as the average pit stop. He got back on the track a lap down and his day was over, finishing 13th.

Cars rarely fall off the jacks in NASCAR. It's a pretty rare flub for a team to have to go through. To make an analogy, it's almost like a routine grounder dribbling through an infielder's legs. It just doesn't happen very often.

I'm sure the Red Sox will be just fine this year.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Do You Believe In Hyperbole?

Last year, we happened to be working out at the gym on July 4th when Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Competition was being televised on the four-letter. If you have missed it in the past, I highly recommend it. From the "has eaten" list that stretches the imagination ("one tenth of her body weight in cheesecake ... 97 Krystal burgers in eight minutes ... 8.6 pounds of deep-fried asparagus spears in ten minutes ..."--see the full list of records if you really want to boggle your mind) to the quirky competitors, including a vegetarian who only eats meat at "sanctioned competitive events," it's a spectacle unlike any other. “Nothing represents summer and the Fourth of July like the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog-Eating Contest,” said Wayne Norbitz, president and COO of Nathan’s Famous, and notorious barbecue and fireworks hater. “This year our nation has new hope for glory.” Wait, what?

See, this year's tilt had the added bonus of a challenger worthy of six-time champ and Japanese national Takeru Kobayashi: San Jose's own Joey Chestnut, who broke Kobayashi's overall record for hot dogs eaten and seemed poised to unseat the champ and bring the "mustard belt" back to the good ol' U.S. of A. He did so in record style as both he and Kobayashi surpassed his previous record of 59.5, when thanks to an unfortunate "reversal," Kobayashi ended up three dogs short of Chestnut's winning 66.

The announcers are just as insane as the contestants. Bringing the championship back to America, the hysterical announcer exclaimed, was "the greatest moment in American sports history." Upon hearing that, an indignant Jim Craig immediately signed up for next year's contest.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Choking Hazard

Found this little gem off a comment from the Deadspin Post of the Year, 2007: The Chris Benoit "Deluxe Aggression" action figure! Get it while it's hot! The best part of it? The little "Choking Hazard" warning in the bottom left. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night.

Once again, proving that most of our (okay, my) content usually originates on Deadspin, here is the winning comment from all the hubbub about this tragedy:

"Why didn't his wife and kid just tap out?"

Who's The Next Steroid User To Murder Their Family?