Monday, January 29, 2007


It's a fairly slow week as we prep up for the Super Bowl. How slow? Even CNN placed our Big Beautiful Baby Boy's passing on its front page. CNN obviously agrees that this is surely a sad day for the world that Barbaro has passed. It's clear that Barbaro's fans didn't write their well-wishes hard enough or fast enough to give the gallant colt the will to survive. But, somehow I will go on, and manage despite my grief to make a post. Perhaps afterwards I can write Barbaro a letter that someone will read to him, which will have about the same effect on him dead as it did while he was alive. Pat Forde writes about how he left his mark on us all, but how great was he really? I mean, Barbaro didn't even remember 9/11, being born in 2003. That doesn't sound too heroic to me.

There's a few rumblings in Red Sox-land, so why don't we check in with the Evil Metropolitan Area? (We're not quite an Empire, yet.)

-- Nearly two months after J.D. Drew accepted the Red Sox's five year, $70 million deal to do approximately the same thing Trot Nixon was doing anyway (run around in RF, hit every so often, and get hurt all the time), the contract was finally settled. It only took 12 days longer than Noah had to float around on his big animal crap-filled boat (also known as the SS Royals). J.D. is now a member of the Red Sox, and team doctors will soon be scouring local morgues for cadaver ligaments they can use to bolster his right shoulder. If they fail in their quest (perhaps because of their drunken driving), the Red Sox can still opt out of the contract if Drew spends 35 days on the DL during his 3rd and 4th years with a preexisting right shoulder injury. Sure, I'm happy with the signing - I mean, now we have someone in RF who, instead of being absymal against lefties (Nixon's .336 OBP in 2006), is slightly less absymal (Drew's .338 OBP in 2006). Sounds like an upgrade to me.

-- In news that's not really news because delusional people who listen to AM radio first started it, Curt Schilling is experiencing a groundswell of support to run against Senator John Kerry as a Republican in 2008. If you define "groundswell" as "100 people calling in to some radio station wedged on the dial between screaming Spanish amigos and classical jazz elevator music." When people immediately made news of his startled, honest non-denial, he quickly retorted by stating he's not going to retire after 2007 as was previously stated. Unless he's planning on campaigning while simultaneously playing baseball, which would be immensely entertaining. But why not Curt Schilling for President? He's a loudmouth, everyone is already sick of him, and at least when he throws the first pitch he could get it over the plate.

-- The Red Sox are also apparently in talks with Colorado to acquire Todd Helton, because we're not quite exactly like the Yankees yet, and thus we obviously need an old slugger on the decline to catch up. So far the best thing to come from these talks is the following YouTube video, from some guy calling himself the StatsGuru, who BaseballMuses from what seems to be either the public library or a cramped corner of his bedroom the merits of acquiring Helton over our favorite Jewish first baseman Kevin Youkilis. It's "probablistic" that "Helton doesn't get to as many balls as Youkilis." Yeah. Pretty much.

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