BSPN

"Welcome to SportsCenter. I'm Rich Eisen with Steve Levy. Tonight we'll take a look at the Boston Celtics. Just how good can they be? Could they be the best team in basketball? Maybe the best team of the last twenty years?"

"And we'll look back on the World Champion Boston Red Sox and what each of the players on that team is up to. Could they win five more championships before all is said and done? Or is it more likely eight?"

"But we start with a look at the New England Patriots. Here, just look at some photos. My God, they're manly. Oh, sorry, Steve, I'm drooling on the desk."

"That's okay, Rich. I was lost in admiring Tom Brady's throwing motion and didn't notice."

"It is gorgeous, isn't it?"

"And just look at Randy Moss jump."

*silence*

"Wow."

"I don't think there is any question, this could be the greatest team in the history of organized athletics."

"Steve, I wouldn't be surprised to see them challenge UCLA's record 88 consecutive wins."

"I agree, Rich."

"In other news, there are some teams outside the Boston area playing, as we can see from the shot of the scoreboard behind Kevin Garnett's head. We'll freeze the frame for a second so you can look at the scores, then we'll have ten more minutes of Celtics coverage followed by Lee Corso asking whether Boston College can get back in the BCS race."

*commercial for some mobile phone featuring Peyton Manning*

If You Can't Beat 'Em..

As the resident Boston sports fan, this is the absolute worst time to start up this blog. The overachieving Patriots finally bowed out of the playoffs a round longer than they probably should have, the Celtics and the Bruins arzzzzzzzz, and the Red Sox don't start their season for approximately fifteen years, give or take. It's so bad that I even managed to care about the Massachusetts - Rhode Island basketball game yesterday and was genuinely disappointed that the Minutemen lost. If that's not sad I don't know what is.

Ok, actually, I do know what is - the fact that I'm openly rooting for the Celtics to continue losing and not feeling even slightly guilty about it. Red Auerbach must be doing backwards somersaults in his grave. Even Doc Rivers and Al Jefferson are making quips about getting Greg Oden, though I'd also be quite happy with Mr. Kevin Durant as well. Of course, we'll likely wind up with neither. (1997 & Tim Duncan, anyone?) I've been told that the games are immensely entertaining with all our hard-working youngsters, but there's still too many sharp objects within 50 feet of my television for me to dare watch.

The low point so far is last night's 82-76 loss to the Atlanta Hawks at home, the Celtics' 9th straight loss. After having a 18 point lead after the first quarter and a 15 point halftime lead, the young Celts just turned over and Schruted the game, getting outscored by 21 in the second half. By the Hawks. At home. Ryan Gomes went 1-11, Allan Ray went 0-9, and our leading scorer Delonte West went 5-14. Eight Celtics players played in the game; the most veteran of these was Kendrick Perkins, who was drafted in 2003. The oldest was Gomes, born September 1, 1982. But this is good, right?

I remember drinking the Kool-Aid after the Celtics beat Charlotte on the road on Dec 16. It wrapped up a five game win streak that left the Celtics at 10-13 after wins at New Jersey, at New York, at Philly, and vs Denver. I figured we actually had a chance to back into the playoffs by winning the Atlantic. Then Pierce got hurt; we've been 2-16 since.

Anyway, here's the Celtics season in a nutshell: Tony Allen taking an axe to his ACL and MCL after the whistle blew the play dead - and he didn't even make the irrelevant dunk. Enjoy.