Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Jesus, I Just Had The Weirdest Dream

Whoa! Sorry, I must've dozed off for a minute there. Hey, you wanna hear something funny? You're gonna laugh. I dreamed the Chargers hired me to be their head coach.

I was talking to my wife last night about how disappointing it was to lose out on the Dallas job, and I said, You know, Nancy, if only San Diego had fired Marty, Wade would've gotten that job and I might've gotten another shot in big D. So I guess that's where the dream came from. Oh, hi, Nancy. You remember that conversation, right? You told me not to worry, I'd get my chance again. Well, did I ever!

So in my dream, okay, Dean Spanos calls me up and says, "Hey, Norv, we fired Marty and we want to interview you for the job." It's funny because we were talking on the phone, but it was like he was right in the next room, you know? So I walk out of my office and suddenly I'm in San Diego, and Dean's telling me how much he respects my coaching record and my ability to get along with anyone, even his prick of a GM, and what he really wants is just someone who won't run his team into the ground next year. Well, it's a dream, so I say, "Sure, I can promise you that." I mean, what the hell, right?

Then next thing I know I'm buying donuts at Winchell's on my way back up north, because they have kick-ass donuts, and Dean calls me on my jelly-filled donut and says, "Norv, you got the job." I know! I was so happy I didn't want to wake up. I told the guy at Winchell's that I was the new coach of the Chargers, only I wasn't in Winchell's any more, I was at that place in San Diego right outside the stadium, what's it, Gold Donuts or something, and the guy behind the counter was LaDainian Tomlinson. He shook my hand and said, "Don't worry, Coach, as long as you can keep the team together we'll be fine."

I really appreciate you all coming out to hear about my dream. Someday I will be up here talking about my new head coaching gig. You all have Norv Turner's word on that, and I deliver on my promises, at least 41.1% of the time.


Freelancer said...

So, if LaDainian Tomlinson was working at a donut shop, where was Ryan Leaf? Washing windshields for pocket change?

Strange dream indeed coach. Ironically, I had a weird dream where I was a future hall of fame wide receiver and dancer-with-stars playing in Oakland and YOU were my coach! My dream? Not quite as good as yours.

Tim Susman said...

Ryan Leaf was making the donuts by fishing them out of the hot oil with his bare hands.

And he kept dropping them.